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COLUMNISTS
TODAY'S STORIES
23.08.2008
Choice Cuts: Richard Ben Cramer on Biden

From What It Takes, of course:

The first thing you've got to know about Joe is the house. Probably the first thing he'd show you, anyway. You talk with Biden about anything. ... somehow it gets back to home. And the house is gorgeous, an old du Pont mansion, in the du Pont neighborhood called Greenville, outside Wilmington.  It's the kind of place a thousand Italian guys died building--hand-carved doorways, a curving hand-carved grand staircase that Clark Gable could have carried a girl down, a library fit for a Carnegie, or Bernard Baruch, someone like that. ...

Joe found it one night, a couple of years after he became a Senator. He was driving around, like he did back then. He was snooping around Greenville, streets of his dreams, when he saw it, all overgrown, boarded up. Some developer was going to knock it down because the four and a half acres were worth more than the house. ...

Joe did a $200,000 deal for the house. That was more than he had, of course. But Biden never let money stand in the way of a deal. He got in the developer's face and started talking--fast. ...

Anyway, when he moved in, he started finding out about the place. First winter, first three months, he used three thousand gallons of fuel oil. The top of the house was wide open. Squirrels were living on the third floor. So the second year, he had to get storm windows for the whole place. Of course, he didn't have the money, so he had to sell off a couple of lots. He lived in fear that the place would need a new $30,000 slate roof. Meanwhile, the place was chock full of asbestos. He had to hire a guy to clean that out, but the guy wanted too much money for labor. So there were weeks when Joe was down in the basement, in a moon suit, ripping out asbestos.

When he moved in, the old winding driveway led from Montchan Drive. But Joe couldn't buy all the land that held the right of way, and then he pissed off the owner of the front lot, who put boulders in the driveway ... so Joe had to build a new one around the front--which was great because everybody who drove in would have to see the whole place. But he didn't have the money to get that paved, so it turned to soup when the weather went bad ... and anyway, he sold the corner lot that held the start of that driveway, so he had to build a third driveway--a little one in the back that he could actually use. But he never liked that dumpy little third one, so eight years later he made a deal with the new owner of the front lot--cost him another fortune in landscaping--but he got the original driveway back. ...

Meanwhile, he planted. He liked hemlock trees. He found some old Czech guy who ran a nursery up in Pennsylvania. Joe didn't want any three-foot saplings, no. This guy had big hemlocks. Rhododendron bushes, great ones. Yews--big old yews! See, Joe had to have privacy. When he started have to sell off lots, he had to plant more, so he'd have privacy. ...

His pal Marty was with him that day: Marty Londergan, a dentist, Joe's buddy from high school. "Joe," Marty said. "How we gonna get all this shit back?"

"Get a truck," Joe said. Like everybody's brother had a forty-foot flatbed in the garage.

"Yeah," Marty said. "Who's gonna drive it?"

"I'll drive," Joe said. "Used to drive 'em all the time."

Sure enough, Marty found somebody's brother who'd lend a truck, and Joe drove the thing, overloaded, rocking and pitching, with trees hanging off the tail, down the back roads, an hour and a half, back to Wilmington. Then he started digging--a forty-five-foot trench, three feet deep and three feet wide, through blacktop and paving stones. He was out there in gym shorts and hiking boots, sweating like a pig, with the headlights of four cars shining upon his ditch, with Jill leaning out the window to yell, "Come to bed, honey!" ... while an old friend or two propped the trees and bushes up in the ditch, so Joe could wall away his realm.

"No, tighter!" Joe'd say.

"I don't know, Joe..."

"Tighter," Joe said. He had to have privacy. The rhododendrons, he planted them two feet apart. Next weekend, he's back for yews. He built a wall of yews around the swimming pool. Never mind there was no room for them to spread their roots.

"Whaddya think?" Joe asked, grinning.

Two years, of course, they're all dead.

--Noam Scheiber

Posted: Saturday, August 23, 2008 7:02 PM with 11 comment(s)

Comments

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amassie said:

Priceless!

August 23, 2008 7:27 PM

sdemuth said:

If  Biden could could have told that story well and often enough during the Iowa caucuses, he'd have buried Edwards and Clinton right there, and probably given Obama a scare.  Not sure how it'd play elsewhere, but this is the American most people I know aspire to be: competent in many things, expert in at least one that matters, hardworking to a fault, with a few significant mistakes and close calls to wear on one's sleeves and laugh with friends about: just plain folk at heart.

A year ago already, when we here in Iowa could hear the candidates in person multiple times, Obama at his best inspired me; Biden convinced me.

Here's hoping they can turn that combination into electoral magic.

August 24, 2008 9:47 AM

teplukhin2you said:

The ticket's upside down.

Is there any way the delegates can put the eookie in the #2 slot and put Biden where he belongs, at the top?

August 24, 2008 10:31 AM

teplukhin2you said:

rookie

August 24, 2008 10:31 AM

michael said:

It's too early to know but I think a lot of Democrats may be feeling pangs of guilt that Joe didn't make it to the top tier so he could have at least shown his stuff for longer. And no, I have no regrets & Barack changed and created so much that it's tough to quantify all the ways he earned his place. If the worst that comes out of his choice is people like tep are seeking a role-change? That speaks to the strength (tep would differ?) that should cause pause in the GOP.

In radio there was an ol' slogan that being #1 was great but the station that was the second choice among the most listeners was most durable and easiest to sell. I won't explain the analogy I see but if people who don't like Barack think Joe should be at the top, that can't be good for McCain. Few in McCain's pool for VP seem to be the #1 guy with those who don't like Johnny...

So, I'm glad tep isn't completely satisfied as it suggests his left-handed compliment is about as much satisfaction as we could expect.

August 24, 2008 12:31 PM

WoodyBombay said:

What is the over/under on baleful "flip the ticket" posts between now and election day? Does the person who makes the one-millionth "flip the ticket" post get a prize? A free year's TNR subscription, or a spiced ham, or maybe twelve free car washes at Brown Bear?

I think Biden's entire presidential run was aimed at veep or Cabinet, from the beginning.

August 24, 2008 1:07 PM

cbustard said:

Great story. We all know a guy like Biden. If we rode along with him on the truck and helped him dig the trenches, it was an adventure we're glad we shared and love to recount. And so what if the damn trees died?

August 24, 2008 1:10 PM

Robert Powell said:

I think Woody is exactly right. Biden exceeded expectations to finish sixth in Iowa. Having him at the top of the ticket would be a Leninist dream, and exactly the kind of reasoning that has caused Dems to lose a disproportionate number of presidential elections in the last forty years.

See the Labrador puppy analogy above. And tep, I thought "eookie" was just fine. Leaving aside possible "nookie" configurations, this guy's best rationale is as an attack dog. Have you ever seen a Lab attack dog?

August 24, 2008 6:27 PM

ChanRobt said:

Have the results of Biden's physical come in yet?  You might like to be sure he doesn't have asbestosis.

August 25, 2008 4:19 AM

ndmackenzie said:

teplukhin2you asks:

-- Is there any way the delegates can put the rookie in the #2 slot and put Biden where he belongs, at the top?

Is there any way the software can put this broken record where it belongs on the "Next page."

August 25, 2008 12:38 PM

williamyard said:

Beautiful story!

"...squirrels living in the third floor..." Might still be there, too.

Next time I hear the phrase "salt of the Earth," I'll think of Joe, killing some plants.

Pennsylvania has to be a lock, now or in the near future.

August 25, 2008 7:16 PM