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COLUMNISTS
TODAY'S STORIES
29.03.2008
The Benefit of America's Lawsuit Addiction

It might save the universe:

More fighting in Iraq. Somalia in chaos. People in this country can’t afford their mortgages and in some places now they can’t even afford rice.

None of this nor the rest of the grimness on the front page today will matter a bit, though, if two men pursuing a lawsuit in federal court in Hawaii turn out to be right. They think a giant particle accelerator that will begin smashing protons together outside Geneva this summer might produce a black hole that will spell the end of the Earth--and maybe the universe.

Scientists say that is very unlikely--though they have done some checking just to make sure.

Fortunately, these scientists are very good at putting their findings in layman's terms:

William Unruh, of the University of British Columbia, whose paper exploring the limits of Dr. Hawking’s radiation process was referenced on Mr. Wagner’s Web site, said they had missed his point. "Maybe physics really is so weird as to not have black holes evaporate," he said. "But it would really, really have to be weird."

--Josh Patashnik 

Posted: Saturday, March 29, 2008 2:31 AM with 9 comment(s)

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guyminuslife said:

You'd think, just by the monkeys-on-keyboards theory, that if anything humans could do could end the universe, it would have happened already.

Me, I'm type II bipolar with an affinity toward melodrama and grunge music, so I say, "Black hole sun, won't you come, won't you come..."

March 29, 2008 4:38 AM

bsdespain said:

Well the monkeys didn't have a large hadron collider before. Now they do.

March 29, 2008 10:40 AM

Rhubarbs said:

I've always just sort of assumed that the Big Bang was the result of just this sort of experimentation by intelligent, technologically sophisticated beings in the "previous" universe. Sort of like, "Hey, we think we've cracked the secret of faster-than-light travel. The only downside is a one-in-a-trillion chance of creating a singularity that will instantly convert all the matter in the universe into energy. Here goes!"

March 29, 2008 11:51 AM

jet said:

Some scientists believed testing the first nuclear bomb at Alamogordo would do the same thing...

March 29, 2008 1:56 PM

dhauck said:

Rhubarbs =

If someone built a black-hole generator and painted above the ON-lever "WARNING: DO NOT PULL - UNIVERSE WILL EXPLODE," the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.

March 29, 2008 6:11 PM

ndmackenzie said:

The last black hole to start in CERN was Dan Brown's Angels and Demons.

March 29, 2008 6:47 PM

roidubouloi said:

Naaaah.  Just not enough energy to do anything that weird.  Never say never, but not this time.

March 29, 2008 7:21 PM

roidubouloi said:

Look at it this way, if the collision of a couple of neutron stars and their collapse into a black hole isn't enough to cause any noticeable effect on the universe -- a few barely detectable gravity waves at best -- what's the energy of this little, bitty machine gonna do?  Not much.

March 29, 2008 7:23 PM

Rhubarbs said:

roid -- but those neutron stars weren't colliding within 5,000 miles of my house. Any errant, non-evaporating black hole created by this new collider would do so within 5,000 miles of my house. Thus my greater caution! I sort of don't care what the people a thousand light-years away think of it, I care whether a runaway sequence of events destroys this little planet right here.

Plus, Dr. Unruh's comment, "Maybe physics really is so weird as to not have black holes evaporate, but it would really, really have to be weird," is perhaps the least reassuring thing I've ever heard a scientist say. As recently as the 1970s, many physicists regarded the existence of black holes themselves as being far too weird to contemplate.

I don't expect that _this_ experiment will destroy the universe, or even pop the earth out of existence, but we'll get there someday.

March 31, 2008 8:48 AM