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COLUMNISTS
TODAY'S STORIES
18.01.2008
Time Magazine Talks Sex

Leave it to Time magazine to ask (and answer) life's tough questions. This week's cover story, written by Jeffrey Kluger, seeks to explain to readers "Why We Love." Why indeed?! Kluger starts off on the wrong foot by writing:

The last time you had sex, there was arguably not a thought in your head. O.K., if it was very familiar sex with a very familiar partner, the kind that--truth be told--you probably have most of the time, your mind may have wandered off to such decidedly nonerotic matters as balancing your checkbook or planning your week. If it was the kind of sex you shouldn't have been having in the first place--the kind you were regretting even as it was taking place--you might have already been flashing ahead to the likely consequences. But if it was that kind of sex that's the whole reason you took up having sex in the first place--the out-of-breath, out-of-body, can-you-believe-this-is-actually-happening kind of sex--the rational you had probably taken a powder.

Even reading this paragraph for the fifth time, I still find it alternately confusing and hilarious. As the piece progresses, we get a string of stunning insights: 

--Every living human is a descendant of a long line of successful maters

--If it's easy for a glance to become a kiss and a kiss to become much more, that's because your system is trip-wired to make it hard to turn back once you're aroused.

--The elaborate ritual of dating is how this screening takes place.

--The problem with romance is that it doesn't always deliver the goods. For all the joy it promises, it can also play us for fools, particularly when it convinces us that we've found the right person, only to upend our expectations later.

--All relationships must settle and cool. That's a hard truth, but it's a comforting one too.

--The eventual goal of any couple is to pass beyond serial dating--beyond even the thrill of early love--and into what's known as companionate love.

And the final paragraph is, yes, you guessed it, a warm-hearted farewell about love being weird and crazy and not totally explainable by science.

--Isaac Chotiner

Posted: Friday, January 18, 2008 11:51 AM with 12 comment(s)

Comments

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boneill said:

"If it's easy for a glance to become a kiss and a kiss to become much more, that's because your system is trip-wired to make it hard to turn back once you're aroused. "

OK, but this totally doesn't hold up in court.

January 18, 2008 12:23 PM

williamyard said:

"Every living human is a descendant of a long line of successful maters"...

...at least until sperm banks discover ATMs.

"If it's easy for a glance to become a kiss and a kiss to become much more, that's because your system is trip-wired to make it hard to turn back once you're aroused."

It's even easier if, after paying the bills, a couple of C-notes remain in your pocket, kindling for the adjacent Presto Log.

"The elaborate ritual of dating is how this screening takes place."

Alternately, the "erotic services" board on Craigslist.

Some of us have different screening methods.  Roughly two-thirds into a Sonoma Hooker-induced orgasm, I start giggling, which soon progresses into all-out maniacal laughter; I'm not thinking about "balancing [my] checkbook" or "planning [my] week," I'm thinking "Couldn't happen to a nicer guy!"

I mean, the girl knows her trade.

January 18, 2008 12:28 PM

adaglas said:

In fairness, boneill, you're leaving out the step in your case where a glance becomes a chloroform.

And Mr. Yard, lest we forget about the "Miscellaneous Romance" board.  Nothing hotter/scarier than a woman who's into miscellaneous.

January 18, 2008 1:10 PM

williamyard said:

And for the truly adventurous, drink ~1/3 fifth of Jack and post something on "Casual Encounters."

January 18, 2008 1:33 PM

adaglas said:

Yes, but be prepared for quixotic gay men and "BBWs."

January 18, 2008 1:52 PM

bcbaird said:

Your knowledge on these matters frightens me.

January 18, 2008 2:38 PM

jwl2672 said:

Every living human is a descendant of a long line of successful maters

That's why I immensely dislike those who choose not to have kids (not counting the ones incapable of raising a child because of money or mental health).  It's essentially saying that evolution has created the penultimate creation that is I.  I am the result of 1000 generations of  humans and the line stops with me.

January 18, 2008 3:35 PM

adaglas said:

Then again, jwl, maybe they're just coming to the sobering realization that, somewhere along the line, nature made a horrible, horrible mistake which must be nipped in the bud  I'm looking in your direction, boneill.

January 18, 2008 3:54 PM

boneill said:

Or it is people saying that they don't want kids.  Me, I don't care much for 'em.  You ever have a conversation with a child?  They don't know anything.

January 18, 2008 4:07 PM

boneill said:

Adaglas, simply because no one chooses to mate with you doesn't mean you can try to justify it with some sort of nobility.

January 18, 2008 4:07 PM

cspencef said:

Wait a minute, I don't like the direction this thread took:

"That's why I immensely dislike those who choose not to have kids (not counting the ones incapable of raising a child because of money or mental health).  It's essentially saying that evolution has created the penultimate creation that is I.  I am the result of 1000 generations of  humans and the line stops with me."

Interestingly, Albert Mohler, the way-fundamentalist president of the ultra-right-wing Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, has a speech he occasionally trots out in which he accuses married couples without kids of defying God's will by not populating the earth with lots of little replicas of themselves.

So right-wing religion and left-wing evolutionary thinking are going to find common ground only long enough to dump on me?  Dang, I shoulda stayed in bed.

January 19, 2008 12:33 PM

nancyirving said:

I confess I've never understood sex to be an "out-of-body" experience.  Have I been missing something important?

January 20, 2008 8:59 PM