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COLUMNISTS
TODAY'S STORIES
20.11.2007
(Fictional) Angsty Teens for Paul!

I recognize that the long campaign season has proven challenging for political writers looking for new angles on the same old story, but this post by AndrĂ©s Martinez on the Washington Post's blog Stumped is just plain silly.  Granted, the basis for the post, a question submitted by a teacher wondering who Holden Caulfield would vote for in the 2008 presidential elections, is a little bizarre.  But Martinez only makes matters worse by choosing to write his response as Holden Caulfield:

I do sort of like Ron Paul. I have to admit it, he seems swell. I caught a little of the Republican debate and you should have seen him up there, old Ron Paul grumpily carrying on about the Constitution, the Fed, the war and freedom. All the other phonies were up there like football players bragging about how tough they would be if given the ball, but Paul was having a whole different conversation on his own, about real stuff. And he was sore as hell about it, like the crazed uncle no one wants to be stuck next to at Thanksgiving dinner. He killed me, if you want to know the truth. I mean, I don't know what the hell he's talking about when he gets all intellectual about the gold standard, but it knocked me out that he was talking about standards.  

Considering the motley crew that is Ron Paul supporters, I suppose Caulfield's disaffected youth shtick might fit right in.  But Martinez overlooks some key issues.  First of all, Caulfield is 17, meaning he wouldn't be doing any voting at all.  Secondly, and forgive me for stating the obvious, Caulfield is a fictional character.  Political endorsements carry a lot less relevance when the endorser is not real.

Let's hear it, TalkBackers.  Which fictional character endorsements are you anticipating?   Sleeping Beauty for Thompson?  Anne of Green Gables for Kucinich?

--Melanie Mason

Posted: Tuesday, November 20, 2007 8:04 PM with 32 comment(s)

Comments

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adaglas said:

Anakin Skywalker for Giuliani.

Arthur Branch for Fred Thompson.

Mitt Romney for Mitt Romney.

November 20, 2007 3:28 PM

boneill said:

Ugh.  That made me ill.  Simply saying "sore as hell" does not a Caulfeld make.  And Salinger would never put the phrase "like the crazed uncle no one wants to be stuck next to at Thanksgiving dinner" in Holden's mouth.  Maybe I am being too harsh as well, Melanie, but that made me angry to read.

November 20, 2007 3:38 PM

boneill said:

Nicely done, adaglas.

Quixote for Dodd

Bartleby the Scrivner for Thompson ("Fred, you should really go campaigning."  "I would prefer not to")

Frodo for Kucinich  (same stature, and I think Frodo had a crush on the elf queen, who is basically Mrs. K)

November 20, 2007 3:57 PM

austinexpat said:

Arnold Schwarzenegger for Giuliani.

...What?  He's REAL?!

My goodness.

November 20, 2007 4:14 PM

benjamin81 said:

The Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons for Mike Gravel. On that thought, Ned Flanders for Mike Huckabee.

November 20, 2007 4:24 PM

mghogwild said:

More Simpsons Endorsements:

Lionel Hutz for Edwards

Latino Bee Man for Richardson

Homer for Fred Thompson (Mmmmmmm.........lazy TV star)

Lisa for Hillary

Mayor Quimby for Guiliani

Apu for.......Thank you , come again.

November 20, 2007 4:36 PM

thesimulacra said:

Brian Griffin has been a staunch Hillary supporter from the start.  I'm waiting for the episode where he switches to Obama.

November 20, 2007 4:58 PM

adamvaught said:

Even more Simpsons Endorsements:

Grandpa Simpson for Gravel

Lenny for Obama

Patty and Selma for Edwards

Comic Book Guy for Kucinich

Moe for Vilsack

Frank Grimes for McCain

Mr. Burns for Romney

Smithers for Hillary

Kirk Van Houten for Dodd

Martin Prince for Biden

November 20, 2007 5:05 PM

gabbage said:

Boneil's Bartleby endorsement gets my vote.

November 20, 2007 5:12 PM

thesimulacra said:

I don't know about fictional characters endorsing people, but I know of a fictional character I'd endorse: Stan Marsh.

November 20, 2007 5:18 PM

boneill said:

I would endorse Ray Patterson.  He seems like a decent and committed public servant, not prone to making huge promises that can't be accomplished.

November 20, 2007 5:54 PM

jhildner said:

Lady Macbeth for Hillary

Hamlet for Fred Thompson

Richard III for Giuliani

Henry V for Obama

Othello for Kucinich (you seen his wife?)

Kate (tamed) for Romney

November 20, 2007 5:56 PM

jhildner said:

Bone:  You mean Old Man Patterson?  I hear he's a drunk.

November 20, 2007 5:57 PM

jhildner said:

I'm voting for Kodos.

November 20, 2007 6:00 PM

boneill said:

jhild- I'll just vote for a third-party candidate!  

Nice Patterson pick-up.

Thanks, gabbage!

November 20, 2007 6:13 PM

tarfon said:

Agree with Thesimulacra about Brian Griffin for Hillary.

Also:

Meg -- Barack Obama

Lois -- John Edwards

Peter -- Mitt Romney

Chris -- George Bush

Stewie -- Ron Paul

November 20, 2007 6:17 PM

jhildner said:

Didn't Brian have a Kucinich sticker on his Prius?

November 20, 2007 6:26 PM

jhildner said:

Go ahead, Bone, throw your vote away.  It's a two-party system, dammit.

November 20, 2007 6:34 PM

adaglas said:

McBain for McCain.

November 20, 2007 6:37 PM

jblumenfeld said:

Judge Dredd for Giuliani

November 20, 2007 6:47 PM

jhildner said:

Norman Bates for Billy Tauzin.

November 20, 2007 6:55 PM

tarfon said:

Stan Smith (no, not the tennis player) -- John McCain

Francine -- Thompson (isn't she Jeri?)

Hayley -- Obama

Steve -- Richardson (can't get no respect)

Roger -- Kucinich  in the Dem primary (duh); Giuliani in the GOP (who else cross-dresses?)

Klaus -- Ahhnold

November 20, 2007 6:56 PM

epackard-02 said:

We already have it confirmed that Dr. Evil will not be voting for  Hillary.

November 20, 2007 7:15 PM

blackton said:

jhildner, dude Henry V was a real person, so was Richard III, and Lady Macbeth is Hillary.

Elmer Fudd: Vice President Dick Cheney (they both can't shoot straight)

Alfred E. Neumann: George Bush (or are they one and the same?)

Satan: Rudy Guiliani (or is Satan and Cheney one and the same?)

Machiavelli's Prince: Hillary Clinton.

Barney Fife: Dennis Kuchinich

The Michellin man: Karl Rove (or are they one and the same?)

November 20, 2007 8:03 PM

willpastor said:

Aren't we talkers back, not talkbackers?

And yes, Brian Griffin has a Kucinich sticker on his car. Although a lot of former Kucinich fans defected for 2008.

November 20, 2007 9:10 PM

adaglas said:

Screech for Biden.

Harvey the Rabbit for Kucinich

Dr. Henry Jekyll for Obama.....Mr. Edward Hyde for Giuliani.

November 20, 2007 9:12 PM

willpastor said:

Now I'm beginning to wonder what TNR staffers fictional characters read. On the Simpsons theme, Martin Prince (and probably Lisa) read Jonathan Cohn while Comic Book Guy is definately a Chait-man. Mrs. Krabappel is a Michelle Cottle fan. Do I even have to identify Mr. Burns' favorite?

November 20, 2007 9:32 PM

frippo said:

Brian Griffin does have a Kucinich sticker, but it's an '04 one, isn't it? Who is he endorsing THIS year?

Doctor Frankenfurter for Giuliani.

November 20, 2007 10:24 PM

frippo said:

Missed willpastor's post there re: Brian and Kucinich. Although it's an important topic, so I'm not sure one can overpost about it.

November 20, 2007 10:26 PM

jobeek2 said:

Oblomov for Fred Thompson.

Ignatius J. Reilly for Ron Paul.

November 20, 2007 10:36 PM

adaglas said:

Nelson Munz for Rudy - actually, I think he's Rudy' go-to divorce-papers server.

November 21, 2007 7:42 AM

kenshap said:

Anybody notice Holden Caulfield in 2008 would be about the same age as Ron Paul?

November 21, 2007 11:51 AM