BELGIANS WAFFLE - The Plank

21.09.2007

BELGIANS WAFFLE
You can read in today's New York Times that the little country of Belgium -- which first took its place in my imagination when my high school history teacher called it, thanks to the numerous times other countries' armies stampeded through it, the "screen door of Europe" -- may soon be no more. I lived in Belgium in 2003, and a Flanders-Wallonia split was also supposed to be right around the corner then, as apparently it has been for decades. I have a suspicion it's never actually happened both because it's politically difficult but also because, more than Belgians want a real breakup, they psychologically relish the idea of being a little region of anarchy in an increasingly boring and stable Europe, a colonially oppressed hot zone boiling with tribal strife as emotional as in West Africa and consumed in a struggle over the capital as bitter as in Baghdad. The curious joy Belgians find in the prospect of political meltdown comes through in the Times story, with its photo of Flemish leaders in fine suits eating a cake to celebrate "100 Days of Belgian Chaos" (just how chaotic is this chaos? "[T]rains run on time, mail is delivered, garbage is collected, the police keep order," the Times wryly notes) and a champagne-sipping schoolteacher who offers the priceless quote, "Everyone puffs himself up in this banana republic. You have to remember that this is Magritte country, the country of surrealism." I guess I didn't sufficiently internalize the Magritte mindset. But I never really understood why Belgium needs to break up at all. I do not mean to make light of the troubles between Wallonians and Flemings: The former group firmly believes the latter is coarse and the latter believes the former is stupid. But a lot of countries have dueling ethnic groups that fashion their identities out of viciously ridiculing each other. And over 180 years of existing as a nation, Belgium has developed a real spirit of its own, albeit one sometimes defined by the resentful, puff-chested pride of the runty little brother perpetually tormented by his more powerful siblings. Arguing for a breakup, the somewhat nutty leader of the country's Flemish nationalist party, Filip Dewinter, says:

We are two different nations, an artificial state created as a buffer between big powers, and we have nothing in common except a king, chocolate and beer.

What's to sneer at here? In my experience, the last two elements in particular -- plus frites, sincere hospitality, and a trademark dry, rueful wit dished up by the country's plentiful cartoonists and chansonniers like Jacques Brel -- made for a pretty damned merry national culture. --Eve Fairbanks

Posted: Friday, September 21, 2007 10:00 AM with 10 comment(s)

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Claudiusmarcellus said:

I've never lived in Belgium, but from this and other articles I've been reading lately, the current climate seems a bit more serious to me than you think. Maybe I'm wrong, but it feels like there's an undertone of bitterness and hostility that's getting stronger.

September 21, 2007 11:45 AM

orkeny said:

When I was in Belgium (in Antwerpen province, on the Flanders side) last September, there were municipal elections. I was a little stunned at how politics was such an integral part of Belgian life and, yet, no one seemed to care. Not really. Not in the way I care about American politics. My new friend Ronny (who was about to marry one of my of my best friends, a Belgian who I met when we were in high school in South Dakota [long story]) explained it thus: In Belgium's short history, it has been invaded and occupied by the Spanish, the French, the Dutch, the Germans, pretty much everyone and anyone. It's an artificial country, inasmuch as any country can be artificial. And every Belgian, at some level, considers all government an occupational force. Indeed, the I-guess-you-could-call-it cynicism is such a part of the national character, Ronny said, there is sort of a national sport in finding loopholes in new laws. Sometimes these loopholes are found (and published in newspapers) before the new law can even take effect. I'm not sure how that would stand up to a political scientist's scrutiny, but I, for one, thought it was pretty damn funny. But maybe it was the Duvel.

September 21, 2007 11:56 AM

blackton said:

I just can't imagine a whole country of Flanders. If they ever came to America they would be met with: Howdily doodily Flanderinos. Seriously, Eve, I know this is a grave matter that should concern every right thinking American. Right now I am busy consulting my map to see what Continent is on. I have one question though. Since Brussels is the Capital, just where do they grow all of those Brussel sprouts?

Yminale said:

And we don't have a king (well we have Bush but he doesn't really count), beer and chocolate to bring us together. Whether its Blue states, Scotland or Kurdistan (well maybe not Kurdistan), its time people realize that group identity is more important than some artificial boundary.

September 21, 2007 12:11 PM

ChanRobt said:

...the Flemish join Holland and the Walloons join France. And they'll all live happily ever after.

September 21, 2007 12:22 PM

And let the Blue states join Canada. Heck Scotland can join us too if they want.

September 21, 2007 12:41 PM

e fairbanks said:

The Flemish are too proud to join Holland. I was once lost in Antwerp trying to get the last train back to Brussels and wandered into a bar to get directions. The bartender couldn't make himself understood in English, so I asked him for directions in French -- whereupon he instantly clammed up and asked me to exit his bar. He knew French perfectly well, of course. But he wouldn't speak it, not even to a little lost woman trying to find the train station in a big bad foreign city. Amsterdam-accented Dutch, while not quite as bad, doesn't fly, either. Conversely, the French are too proud to let the Wallonians join them. Wallonians just don't have a lot to offer.

September 21, 2007 12:50 PM

...Monaco get along all right. Flanders and Wallone may not want each other, but there's no one trying to hold either of them. So let them become little mice that roar and the hell with it.

September 21, 2007 5:09 PM

...Belgium, if only as a freeway to France. Maybe they'd like to be German? har har

September 21, 2007 5:10 PM